A SHORT HISTORY OF THE REVERSE TAIWANIZATION OF NEW ZEALAND

 A SHORT HISTORY OF THE REVERSE TAIWANIZATION OF NEW ZEALAND

 

There had been warnings that the inland heatwave around Menindee was going to descend on Sydney. 51°C were recorded there in the outback on two days in succession. A lock-down was issued by the local authorities, with residents without efficient air conditioning being evacuated to a hall that was supplied with additional power and air conditioning, as well as medical services. There was widespread death amongst livestock. Five residents died of heatstroke. Social media, local and national media reported this as a once in a hundred-year event. Dissidents retorted with gallows’ humour: well, at least you scaled it up from a once in a thousand-year event.

 

Sydney was of course well prepared: climate mitigation and adaptation had seen to several governmental policies like occasional private car-less days – exemptions were easily available for the drivers in the know – and gradual phasing out of coal-fired power stations (some were held in working reserve in case of power consumption spikes, as for example when air-conditioning during heatwaves required extra power supply). When it came to the crunch it was of course too little too late. On the third day of Sydney’s 49.9°C there was a state-wide power failure at noon. Diesel generators kicked in at essential services like hospitals but many private homes in the poorer suburbs did not have stand-by generators, and many of those at home started to panic, overwhelming urgent response services. Power was restored by the evening, but residents were warned not to switch on any electric appliances other than air-conditioning. Unable to charge their smart phones during the power outage they were cut off from the intense messaging that was both informative and fake. The death toll from heat strokes and associated heath problems emerged only slowly, what with local and federal agencies constantly assuring everyone that everything possible was being done to limit the damage. Meteorologists scrambled to analyse the local weather pattern and make predictions for tomorrow and the day after. Dim TV weather presenters stuck to the script of making light of the situation saying things like “enjoy the sun while you can”. However, on the fifth day of the 50°C heatwave, nerves started to fray. Those with means and time to travel booked flights to New Zealand’s South Island where the average temperatures were a mild 30°C. Power outages became more serious for longer spells. Small businesses, especially those who stocked perishable goods had to close due to lack of refrigeration. Residential high-rises that relied on generators during power cuts ran out of diesel. Thousands of such residents had to move to evacuation centres which themselves became increasingly difficult to provision and run. Local and federal government agencies were in continuous emergency modes. The army was called upon to provide additional services and evacuate stricken people out of Sydney – but where to? All of NSW was under a heatwave, all in the high 30s. The Lord Mayor of Sydney relocated her office to Tasmania, arguing that from there she and her selected staff could discharge their duties more efficiently and save Sydney from total disaster. This caused an uproar. Riots and looting ensued. The federal government declared martial law. Armed gangs engaged army units. Anarchist groups offered pacifist resistance. Chaos ensued. 

 

The federal government in Canberra (at only 39°C) hatched a secret plan. If Sydney had become a city that is not liveable anymore, what about the prospect that the whole of Australia becomes unliveable – some of the top echelons even quoted from Tim Winton’s book Juice – now an old classic of OZ literature. Others quoted history: Chiang Kai-Shek evacuated his government and army to Taiwan, so why can’t we do the same and evacuate to Tasmania which still has a liveable climate? A white paper was commissioned to test the feasibility. Then a Kiwi who had migrated to OZ when he had lost an election for Mayor of Auckland, and had done well in federal politics in Canberra, rising to Minister of Defence, well, he floated the seemingly insane idea that the government and army and associated personal evacuate to New Zealand instead. Well, not really that insane, said the man who had kept excellent contacts in New Zealand, especially with the armed forces. At the time, NZ had a centre-left government that was at odds with the armed forces by limiting their funding for nuclear arms, hence the NZ Army might be considering such a proposal, i.e. the merging of NZ and AUS forces, ANZAC-like, and establish a united NZ-AUS government, initially as an emergency set-up that sidelines both Parliaments until new elections are called. Ears pricked up. This would enable a functioning joint leadership to govern Australia from the safe distance of NZ, i.e. deploy the joint navies to patrol the Australian waters. Rapid response army units and be deployed from NZ to ensure that land resources – such as minerals and coal – remain in the hands of corporate owners who in turn, operating from NZ or wherever, can extract resources by way of adapting to the climate disaster, e.g. send in workers during the winter seasons and fly them out to camps in Tasmania during the heatwave seasons. A white paper was commissioned in due course, with the tags URGENT and SECRET. 

 

The NZ government in the meantime was struggling with the return of millions of ex-Kiwis who had migrated to AUS in previous times. The minute-by-minute reports from Sydney, with desperate cries of help from poor Kiwis trapped in over-heated evacuation centres, softened the hearts of many a local Kiwi even though the government argued quite convincingly that this avalanche of back-migration had to be organised in a sensible way to not bring NZ to its knees, economically and culturally. After all those Aussie-Kiwis had assimilated to a brash Aussie culture that did not always endear the locals. And whilst there were many Māori amongst the returnees there were many more rednecks whose racist attitudes were at odds even with the more mild-mannered local rednecks. In economic terms there was a divide between the argument that a sharp increase in NZ’s population would create a much larger consumer market – good for business – and the counter argument that public services like health, education, housing and infrastructure would collapse under the sudden weight of millions of new arrivals. The business lobby argued that these services can be quickly expanded with the vastly improved tax-take from the new working classes – while business needed tax relief in the meantime, of course. As always, the centre-left government shifted further to the centre given (sponsored) polls that threatened a wipe-out in the next elections. Even so, there appeared a new radical right-wing party that proclaimed the new ANZAC spirit, welcoming the prospect of an AUS-NZ reunification, with the added bonus that NZ citizens would thus become joint owners of Australia and her vast mineral resources. It was soon found out that this party was funded by some obscure Australian corporate interests with connections to the armed services in both countries. Rumours spread far and wide. 

 

The Sydney heatwave disaster was followed by a cyclone that reduced temperatures back to the high 30s with flooding an almost welcome change of scenery. It nevertheless became clear to climate scientists that this event was just the beginning of the end. COP 40 had ended in another cop-out with phase-out of fossil fuels agreed upon sometime soon, subject to AI data centres reducing astronomical power consumption, and subject to rich countries reducing air-conditioning capacities (especially since the process of removing hot air from interior spaces to the outside only increased the outside temperatures, thus needing more air-conditioning), and subject to funding vast migrations from coastal inundations around the globe, and subject to various proxy wars ending in unlikely peace agreements, and so on. Sydneysiders became a tribe of confused sub-tribes, seeking refuge in all sorts of esoteric solutions, from socialist revolution (citing prophet Tim Winton again) to Noah’s Ark devotees. New Zealanders across the ditch followed the events with morbid fascination: will NZ end up in the same trap? Well, not yet, by any stretch of the imagination, or so the corporate media machines broadcast, busily manufacturing consent. 

 

In Aussie in the meantime, plans were hatched to relocate Canberra to Tasmania, initially as a bolthole for when things got ugly, and eventually as a reasoned move that reassured the mainlanders that everything humanly possible was being done by their elected representatives to save them from annihilation by a thousand cuts. Underground facilities were built on a large scale as retreats from ever more frequent heatwaves in summertime. The associated logistics were difficult to manage and became subject to corruption. Escape to Tasmania became the only way out since New Zealand began to limit the numbers allowed in. The Tasmanian infrastructure could not handle the influx, and large-scale riots broke out in Hobart. Only a brutal military intervention saved the day.

 

This brought the secret White Paper on so-called New Zealand reunification into sharper focus. Our Kiwi-Aussie Minister of Aussie defence was no longer in office but had retained an outsized influence inasmuch he had returned to NZ to bolster the now aptly named Reunification Party that featured retired army generals from both countries. Left-of-center parties demanded that this party be outlawed due to treasonous policies. When an avowed anarchist attempted to assassinate the party leader, there was an immediate backlash, pushing the government to declare a state of emergency, allowing the NZ defence forces to patrol the streets and detain people they deemed to have broken the law. Detention centres cropped up overnight. In the Far North resistance groups organised themselves into Cuban-style units that became a headache for the army, unable to dislodge them from well-camouflaged hideouts. Rumours spread that they were advancing on Auckland. 

 

The Australian defence forces offered support; however, this was not acceptable to the NZ Government of the day. The Australian government, now domiciled in Hobart lost the plot during a new heatwave in Queensland. A state of emergency was followed by the declaration of Martial Law. Parliament was dissolved and the Army Command took control of government. Our Kiwi-Aussie influencer now engaged in a bout of secret diplomacy what with generals on both sides having secret meetings, hatching the plan to finally establish reunification by way of a military coup-d’etat in New Zealand and then join both military commands in a triumvirate consisting of two Aussie and one Kiwi general. The pretext would be a large contingent of Navy and Airforce landing in various parts of Aotearoa to help the NZ armed forces to contain the Far North uprising. 

 

New Zealand intelligence did not have to work hard to find out the details and informed the NZ Government accordingly, safe in the knowledge that this would end up in the capitulation of the NZ Government, calling for new elections that were likely to be postponed indefinitely. Frenzied attempts by left-wing politicians to resist and to link up with the Far North activists to stop the predicted invasion were countered by increased repression and supported by calls from neo-fascist to immediately invite the Australian army to intervene. Officially the Australians declined to have anything to do with these fringe extremists but secretly enlisted their members as spies to facilitate the invasion. 

 

D-day was the arrival of a vast flotilla of navy ships, accompanied by air force planes of every sort, even dropping paratroopers on Auckland’s Queen Street. Resistance was crushed except in the Far North where guerilla units melted into the forests. Wellington was occupied by a joint OZ-NZ force, surrounding the Beehive and Parliament buildings, arresting any naysayers. The triumvirate was announced the following day amongst huge celebrations orchestrated by the joint army command. Some resistance fighters managed to mingle in the crowds, shooting at the officers in the stands. This resulted in the massacre of Hamilton, to be remembered for a hundred years. 

 

Now that all heat-stricken Australians could freely move to NZ, there was a sense of doom amongst the locals who were suddenly sidelined in everything they had been used to in terms of the economy, health, education, law and order, culture – even rugby that was now dominated by Aussie players who renamed the All Blacks as All Comers. Those who made arrangements with the newcomers did quite well, using their local know-how to prise the newly minted ANZAC dollars from their hands. Other were bought out or evicted, as the case may be, having to retreat to the poverty-stricken suburbs that turned into shantytowns. 

 

There were new reports that subterranean black brigades in Adelaide had declared independence from the joint Aussie-NZ triumvirate, declaring also that any Australians that had decamped to New Zealand were forthwith not considered citizens of Australia, lest they returned to repent. This in turn alarmed many New Zealanders who now considered themselves as co-owners of Australia’s riches. As a matter of fact, the Adelaide insurrectionists had already established a secret underground army that managed to repel an incursion of the now NZ based Australian army contingents sent to quell the uprising in Adelaide. Worse, sections of the armed forces still stationed in Australia joined the insurrectionists, thereby making it very difficult for the Wellington triumvirate to exercise their authority. Over time they lost it altogether, ruling only over New Zealand but forever declaring that they were the government of all of Australia as well. Over time also, the new Australians who had seen a temporary reprieve from the climate disaster asserted that New Zealand belongs to Australia and that one day, by force if necessary, they will incorporate Old-Zealand into New-Australia.